Shutting down door-to-door religion salesmen

[Jobar]

Just now, I heard my dogs barking, and when I went to the door, a man in a nice car was turning around, about to pull out. He saw me, stopped, and got out. He was wearing a suit and tie, and I made a small bet with myself that he wanted to talk to me about Jayzus.

Sure enough, as he walked up to my door, he was saying, "I'd like to talk to you about the last days, and what it says in the Bible..."

So I stop him right there and say, "Sir, I'm an atheist, and have been since I was 15. You probably don't want to talk to me about religion."

"Oh. OK. Well, have a good day."

Got back in his car and drove off.

:D

That may qualify as my own personal best for quickest shut-down. Anyone else want to add theirs?

[B Cereus]

I usually just tell them that I'm not interested, and I don't take any of the literature (these are JW's). Other godbotherers may be more persistent - we don't seem to get any Mormons around here.

[Quizalufagus]

I always invite them in. It's no bother to talk to them for a bit, and I always feel sorry for the Mormon kids, most of who are terrified of being away from home for the first time in their lives.

[Luis Garcia]

My all time favourite was my mothers.

JW - Madam, are you aware the end of the world is nigh?

Old Ma Garcia - Given the implications of special relativity on a non euclidean 11 dimensional minkowski space, define "nigh"

JW - .....

[Rathpig]

The last proselytizing at my house almost left me sad. A group of three including an elderly lady who must have been at least 90 arrived one Saturday morning. I immediately recognized them by their oversized Bibles. Watching them help the elderly lady from the car and her excruciating 50 foot journey from my driveway to the door was sad enough, but I answered the door right as they stepped up and said, "Sorry, I am not religious nor do I care to discuss the topic, have a good day".

This resulted in their long journey back to car. The round trip must have been twenty painful minutes. I had to stop watching it was so excruciatingly slow.


What made this puzzling to me is that I live at the end of a 1/2 mile dirt driveway. The effort they expended for my summary rejection was extraordinary. Hopefully God will smile on them because they wasted a large part of their ever shortening life in this effort.




(I had several hostile "witness" encounters when I lived in the city, but this one was so surreal I almost thought I should have given them five minutes to talk.)

[Lanakila]

I used to get more when I was still a believer, but then again I do not live in the Southern US any longer. I do remember telling these two nicely dressed young men visiting my door at 8:30 pm while my husband was deployed to think about why I would not let them in my door, and that no woman should.

[Matty]

"Sir do you think that the world these days is too concerned with science, and that science CANT answer everything."
"heh, Thats a fine question to ask a scientist isnt it, dipshit? BuhBye."

That was ages ago and I've been waiting for them to come back since i'm now armed with a bunch of putdowns thanks to the likes of you lot, and a little more patience when it comes to realing them in i'd imagine too.

[tjakey]

I used to invite them in for a talk, but I haven't done that in years. I just can stir up enough "give-a-shit" to bother with them. If they are gone to the point where they are knocking on doors it isn't likely they will listen to anything like reason. In fact it isn't likely they are going to listen at all. So I send them packing as politely as I can.

[Alethias]

I used to get more when I was still a believer, but then again I do not live in the Southern US any longer. I do remember telling these two nicely dressed young men visiting my door at 8:30 pm while my husband was deployed to think about why I would not let them in my door, and that no woman should.lol. You could have glanced down at their respective crotches and asked them if they came as a 'package' offer, and that you needed to pull out the whips and chains and handcuffs before the action started, and did they mind if your husband joined in too. Bet they would have fought each to see who could get out of there the fastest..

[Jet Black]

My all time favourite was my mothers.

JW - Madam, are you aware the end of the world is nigh?

Old Ma Garcia - Given the implications of special relativity on a non euclidean 11 dimensional minkowski space, define "nigh"

JW - .....

a reply so good, that God himself pointed at the JW and said "PWNT"

[ravenscape]

This happened long ago and far away, when I was about 8 years old and living in the Bible Belt - Louisiana to be specific. I think these must have been the very first of countless door-to-door Godsellers I've encountered in my misspent youth.

They were Mormons, and I think my mom was shocked to actually meet such heretics and find they didn't actually reek of brimstone. Southern hospitality runs deep, and she probably thought if she listened to them she could find their errors and point them in the direction of the One True Faith - Southern Baptist.

I, on the other hand, was delighted that some "experts" had arrived at the door, and I ran upstairs to get my Book Of Knowledge Encyclopedia Vol. 1 (a free giveaway at the Winn Dixie, who sincerely hoped we'd buy the set of ten), and my Bible. Then, I waited patiently for my opening, with my books flipped to "D" and Genesis 1.

"How come this encyclopedia says dinosaurs lived a hundred million years before there were people, and the Bible says people were created on the 6th day?"

I got an interesting answer about how the length of "days" could have been millions of years or longer. I was impressed.

But, being a smartass totally undermined whatever theological trap my mom had been working on. They departed almost immediately, leaving a Book of Mormon with a pretty blue cover behind. More to read!

[espritch]

My all time favourite was my mothers.

JW - Madam, are you aware the end of the world is nigh?

Old Ma Garcia - Given the implications of special relativity on a non euclidean 11 dimensional minkowski space, define "nigh"

JW - .....

Seriously? That's hilarious. :D

[RexT]

No way I'm gonna top Old Ma Garcia. Now thats classy.

My usual thing, and living in the deep south bible belt you get a lot of practice to polish your usual thing, is to not let them get the jump on me. I start in real fast by preaching to them just how many thousands of times I've heard their story and every variation of it and how unlikely it is that any kind of god exists, let alone their god. They usually last about three minutes and they kindly thank me for my opinion and leave. When I'm inspired I can have em leaving in under a minute.

[His Noodly Appendage]

Hm.

What might be fun would be to invite them back in a few days, when you will have more time.

Then call the baptists and the JWs, and tell them you're having a crisis of faith, and could they come round in a couple of days...

[slumtrimpet]

Just now, I heard my dogs barking, and when I went to the door, a man in a nice car was turning around, about to pull out. He saw me, stopped, and got out. He was wearing a suit and tie, and I made a small bet with myself that he wanted to talk to me about Jayzus.

Sure enough, as he walked up to my door, he was saying, "I'd like to talk to you about the last days, and what it says in the Bible..."

So I stop him right there and say, "Sir, I'm an atheist, and have been since I was 15. You probably don't want to talk to me about religion."

"Oh. OK. Well, have a good day."

Got back in his car and drove off.

:D

That may qualify as my own personal best for quickest shut-down. Anyone else want to add theirs?
I think I managed to beat your record the other day. Opened the door, shook my head violently and watched the two ladies turn around and leave. I never uttered a word.

[fromdownunder]

I always invite them in. It's no bother to talk to them for a bit, and I always feel sorry for the Mormon kids, most of who are terrified of being away from home for the first time in their lives.

(emphasis mine)

This is what fascinates me about Mormons and JWs (virtually the only two groups who ever door knock where I am). They always seem to send out the young innocents. A little bit of training, arm them with a few quotes and a book or two and send them out to witness. Talk about throwing Christians to the lions!

As soon as you challenge the pre-planned spiel, their entire talk falls apart, because they have never been taught anything about things which may challenge their world view, and they are in many ways too young, innocent and undertrained to think on their feet and respond.

I have one particular JW, who unfortunately seems to have stopped coming, who kept telling me how much worse the world is now to what it was. Since they believe, like many others, that we are living in the end times (and we well may be, but not for the reasons they think) every time something "bad" happens, this person saw it as a portent of the end.

I tried explaining modern communication to him, and that, well, earthquakes, have always happened, volcanos often erupt, yes there have been wars prior to the internet....well, you get the drift, and that the main reason it seems worse now is that we hear about it a lot more quickly and regularly.

At least they should teach their witnesses to think.

Norm

[slumtrimpet]

At least they should teach their witnesses to think.

Norm

Wouldn't that be self-defeating?
After all, “Religion stills a thinking mind”.
I suspect the reverse is also true, especially for cultist groups like JWs and Mormons

[Jobar]

Used to be that I tried to deconvert 'em. Several times in the past I've carried on rather polite and even interesting exchanges with JWs for most of an hour. And who knows, it's not impossible that I may have scratched a weak spot on the surface of some godbot's faith, which eventually wore through and opened up his mind. But that happens so seldom, and takes up my valuable time, and I have to listen to their boring bullshit for the 384th time... it just isn't worth the bother to me, any more.

One time I offered to come and give a talk at their church, explaining the atheist's POV, and opening myself up to any questions their congregation might ask me. Heh. Like a lead balloon... :devil1:

[Gooch's dad]

Wow...Ma Garcia gets my vote for best response ever to a proselytizer!

[Goldie]

Mine is not inventive but it is "quick"...
JW: Maam, would you like to hear what Our Lord, Jesus Christ has to say about...
Me: "No." Slams door.

I won't waste my precious time.

[Ray Moscow]

We don't get them very often in England.

The last ones I got were an elderly JW couple who knocked on my door and caught me cooking dinner or something. I just said "I'M NOT INTERESTED" rather abruptly, and they left.

I felt a little bad about it actually since they were old, and I like to be polite to old folks (as I'm closing in on that myself). However, in the end it probably would have come to the same thing.

[Wordy]

Its a very mixed thing for me. Usually I love to talk to them. They are often but not always willing to talk to me about such things that other atheists fails to find interesting.

So they are a blessing to me as an atheist. :)

Those times me have no time to talk I feel sad to send them away. I often share more with them than with other atheists. such as feeling religious and how one should interpret these feelings. Are they a byproduct from evolution or a God given blessing?

Atheists usually fail to feel religious and the few times they feel something they feel "spiritual" which I hate to hear about cause there is nothing in it that support such things exist while religious feelings is well established all over the world and in all historical times we know about. :)

I try to tease you in case that is not obvious.

I usually ask the witnesses if I could join them and they point out to me where the atheists live so I could talk feelings with fellow atheists while they talk scripture with potential Christians. They always says no to my humble request to be allowed to knock on wood with them.
Sometime me dream om spying on them to find out where the other atheists live. when they are turned down I could ring the bell and ask the potential atheist what we should do about all the proselytizing from the religious. Maybe me find friendly atheists that way. :)

[Jobar]

I usually ask the witnesses if I could join them and they point out to me where the atheists live so I could talk feelings with fellow atheists while they talk scripture with potential Christians. They always says no to my humble request to be allowed to knock on wood with them.
Sometime me dream om spying on them to find out where the other atheists live. when they are turned down I could ring the bell and ask the potential atheist what we should do about all the proselytizing from the religious. Maybe me find friendly atheists that way. :)

Ha! Never thought of that one! :D

[Wordy]

I know from inside through a book made by an ex-witness that they used to or still keep a book on every person they visit and they discuss the meetings together and discuss on strategy on how to approach that potential member next time so they come with small gifts in for free books and which verse to take up.

I tested this with a couple who visited me several times. Next time they had looked up exactly that verse and consulted their best theologians and had their version of it. I countered with my best take on it which kind of got them surprised. They seems to not have heard of "Midrash" reading of the Bible.

I am odd as an atheist to like "Midrash" reading of texts. Midrash is not the best word for it cause it AFAIK only means interpretation that is relevant for modern time from an old text.

Example:

God tell them that it is ok to "borrow" a Camel if it is not tied in teh proper way. You will not get punished as severely if the owner forgot to do the agreed upon knots when they tie the Camels.

Now living in a city with no camels how could that old text be applied?

Does the text have any use for us? If one do a Midrash one realize that Camels are for taking you from A to B. A Car is a modern such mode of transportation so if the owner forget to take out the key and don't lock the doors then you should not get busted for theft. You borrowed it which is a lesser offence. Pay for the time you borrowed it, no jail or spanking. :)

I did a Midrash on Jesus that he is not a real person he is a symbol for a certain way to be Jewish that doesn't rebel with deadly weapon but with love as a weapon that transform all to come to his Father a new way of relating to the God they shared with the old text. Jesus is the symbol for the people who relate in that new way. He lives in their hearts and get recognized by their love for each other ...

A new interpretation that got take over by the Church and corrupted by power hungry people and the original writers got swept away or aside and the Church was the winer in the game to be in power.

I only wild guess has no idea if it is likely. It is a to me fun way of theorizing. To me it fits the txt better. How the text when I read it get meaning. Even as an atheist it make sense to me. A totally secular, non-supernatural interpretation. A kind of social functional way of looking at religious texts.

[Ana H]

nah, I just turn on the sprinkler system as they make their way up the driveway, and stand in the kitchen window laughing my ass off.

[His Noodly Appendage]

I usually ask the witnesses if I could join them and they point out to me where the atheists live so I could talk feelings with fellow atheists while they talk scripture with potential Christians. They always says no to my humble request to be allowed to knock on wood with them.
Sometime me dream om spying on them to find out where the other atheists live. when they are turned down I could ring the bell and ask the potential atheist what we should do about all the proselytizing from the religious. Maybe me find friendly atheists that way. :)

Ha! Never thought of that one! :D

Damn.

Don't even ask - just follow them when they leave. Next house you turn up at, suggest the same thing.

[Wordy]

Jehova Witness Stalking? Heheheh. I guess they are so well organized that if they don't go to a house then that is where the local atheist reside.

If the defector of their tribe is correct they have a page on every person living in their area and they have noted every reaction that person ever gave to visiting people from them years back. When I moved it didn't take them long to find me again. They use the Address Register Service and ask for every new in an area.

[Jobar]

nah, I just turn on the sprinkler system as they make their way up the driveway, and stand in the kitchen window laughing my ass off.

Ooooo, good one! Can you put marker dye in your sprinkler??

[Ana H]

nah, I just turn on the sprinkler system as they make their way up the driveway, and stand in the kitchen window laughing my ass off.

Ooooo, good one! Can you put marker dye in your sprinkler??

never thought of that. They will not come to our door anymore. I don't know why?

[yautja_cetanu]

So I stop him right there and say, "Sir, I'm an atheist, and have been since I was 15. You probably don't want to talk to me about religion."

Man, are you american? Living in England where christianity is pretty much dead. I can't imagine why someone would walk away if they found out you were an atheist. Everyone is an atheist!

[FyreWyngz]

The last door knocker that came by had that creepy habit of ticking his head and saying, "Amen to that!" every time he wanted to punctuate something. I mean he did it A LOT.

He got to talking about his 6 kids that were all home schooled (Amen to that!). He kept them out of public schools to save them from being programmed (Amen to that!). He also wouldn't allow a TV in the house in order to save them from being programmed (Amen to that!).

Seems to me that he might benefit from changing the channel himself (Amen to that!).

Anyway, he pulled out this little flip book with these black and white silhouette drawings that seemed more for toddlers than adults and commenced his patter of explaining the creation of man and his eventual sin while flipping through the book.

He then came to the part about Jesus saving and threw to me the very predictable and loaded question, "Do you believe in Jesus?"

He had the patter down. He was smooth and slick and I can see where he might reel in quite a few people. However I simply replied, "Not in the way you are presenting him."

He then asked me about the Bible. I replied the same. He asked me to explain and I said, "The Bible is wonderful poetry and it begs to be read as such. To read it in concrete terms is to misread it. Poetry is read with the heart and not with the mind."

He asked, "But don't poems have to rhyme? I mean, Genesis doesn't rhyme. See here - look - it doesn't rhyme."

Of course, I had to explain nicely that poetry doesn't HAVE to rhyme. He eventually faded from my door step.

Amen to that!