In Need More Music In My Life!

[Goldie]

Like many of you, I grew up with music as my world. My music meant more to me than anything. I hung out with a cool group and we sang the latest walking down the street... We played air guitar. Music was our life.

Then I met my husband. He LIKED music...but it wasn't important to him. I picked apart each word, each note, each emotion. He did not. He is deaf in one ear and cannot hear certain notes...and tho he'd NEVER admit it... he misses SO much that he just doesn't "get it."

My problem: We have our own business. In the past few years, when he is working, he is out of state for weeks / months at a time.. and although I cannot listen to music during business hours, I can jam-out at night.

But, when he is home, I just can't listen to music unless he leaves the house. For starters... he doesn't like the type of music I do... and... to listen to it by myself just seems mean, because it excludes him. It is simply not enjoyable to him. If I use headphones, then he is upset because I am ignoring him.
But, I miss my music!
Chuck is all business. We interact well. We are really close and communicate well. So over the past 27 yrs, the topic has come up. But... he just doen't get it.
I know many other people DO get it. I know many of YOU do.

So what can I say or do to make him understand how much music enriches my life?

I can tell you.. he is going to think this is LOW on the "list of stuff that is important".... To me, it IS important to my quality of life, but I have never gotten him to understand it.
Any suggestions?

[Tales_of_Kathmandu]

You're not listening to Scott Stapp or James Blunt are you? :yuck:

Seriously, just tell him how it would make you happy to listen to more music. The thing is if he is indifferent to music there shouldn't be any reason why you couldn't listen to music when he is home.

[Matty]

Yeah well its not like Korn is nice background music now is it? :D

From your personal perspective I would take pains to explain to Chuck that you miss actively listening to music, and that you intend to allocate some time per week to do exactly that, either wit a nice new pair of state of the art headphones (my recommendation) or cranked on the home stereo, his choice.

Most of the time it is the ACTIVE part that people dont get. The fact that music isnt just something playing on the radio in the background that can be easily ignored. My more amusical friends are more often bemused at the fact that music can inspire such emotion in others and are genuinely surprised it is a bigger deal than they thought possible for other people.


I have friends who are simply not into music, in fact there is an interesting section in Musicophilia about the exact thing, and basically if they dont see what you are seeing then you have to just agree to disagree. IN your case though i dont thing it sounds as if hes actually amusical, simply that listening to music constitutes a much harder job for him than you, and probably frustrating/not worth it because of it. SO if there is nothing to be done about the physical side of things, you need to find some music that he likes well enough for ot TO be worth the effort of listening to.

As for teh hearing difficulties aspect, even many deaf people have a love of musci so its not that straight forward. The Sachs book has highlighted that the love of, and the ability to technically appreciate music are often dissociated from a physical ability to enjoy it, and often even musical talent itself (can you imagine that, being a complete natural at an instrument, but that it does nothing for you and you dont see what all the fuss is with those silly plinking noises etc)

as a muso i'd say its simply a case of finding a genre that chuck can listen to and hear properly, and that floats his boat. There will be one, no matter how strange it might be to you/me/anyone else. If you give me a start point (and possibly a bit of detail, is it lower tones he has issues with etc) i'd be very glad to help (unless its metal, about that i have not a clue, and youre on your own:))

[Comfortably Numb]

For me music can be a mood altering experience.
Maybe you could approach it from that perspective.
If it makes you happy how can he deny you that?