If you set your kid on fire...

[Autodidact]

I was looking around for something at all like the old "If you set yourself on fire" material. I came up with this site. (http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/index.html) Anyone who had the joy of participating in that famous thread will know what to do: choose an illustration from anywhere on this site and shred it with a caption. I'll start:

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/helmets_spot.gif

A red circle will help you prevent arrows from shooting out of your head.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_diseases/images/ip_diagram.jpg

Never let terrorists steal your internal organs.

[Sylvanspirits]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/insidescoop_splash.gif

In 2018, holographic pop-up books took the world by storm.

[Untheist]

http://www.bam.gov/images/yourlife_choices_tvmags.gif

Reading rots your brain. Watch more TV.

[Tether]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/tsunami.gif

When the big wave hits, grab the nearest helicopter, fly around the world, and then settle in for some nice TV.

--T

[PGP_Protector]

http://www.bam.gov/images/diseases_feature_top_1.gif
Stalking 101
Start with Stares
Then work your way up to Celebrities.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/images/yourlife_6.gif

When attacked by angry butterflies, the best defense is to wash your hair.

[BioBeing]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/gearup_splash.gif
In the USA, we don't call it football, as we only use our knees.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/images/yourbody_feature_top.gif

Giant toothbrushes make effective dildoes.

[premjan]

Depending on which end you use - ouch.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/handwashing_when2.gif
AAAHH! Do not let terrorists steal your face!

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/gearup_splash.gif

In the future, children will fly around on pink circles.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/images/sleep_main_module.jpg

Tiny sheep may try to crawl into your ear. To prevent this, stuff both ears with small pillows. To be safe, stuff your nostrils as well.

[[serious]]

http://www.bam.gov/images/diseases_feature_top_1.gif
Stalking 101
Start with Stares
Then work your way up to Celebrities.

I'd say that one should have been captioned "Be careful of creepy asian men in trench coats sneaking up behind young boys. They may be carrying sars"

[Autodidact]

Oh [serious], you can use the same one over and over and give it different captions.

[Tether]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/opflameout_splash.gif

In other news, Pope discovered to be Catholic and Politicians Discovered to be Beholden to Corporate Interests.

--T

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/tv.gif

Early television programming left something to be desired.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_diseases/images/ip_microbes.jpg

Be wary of LSD offered by strangers.

[Tether]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/tsunami_globe.gif

Warning: This globe has Florida connecting with Cuba, no other islands in the Caribbean, and a land bridge to Greenland. Use for Geography study at your own risk.

--T

[Sylvanspirits]

http://www.bam.gov/images/spot_calendar.gif

Every night after he went to bed, Jimmy's pencil would awake and change all of the dates in his planner.

[Untheist]

http://www.bam.gov/images/choices_tricks_home.jpg

After her fallout with Disney, Jessica Rabbit's career went downhill.

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/images/choices_no_home.gif

Check your fingers daily; terrorists may have stolen some.

[Tether]

http://www.bam.gov/images/yourbody_smilestyle_intro.jpg

I got the K-Y. Sure, I've done this dozens of times.

--T

[PGP_Protector]

http://www.bam.gov/images/choices_no_home.gifhttp://www.bam.gov/images/yourbody_smilestyle_intro.jpg

You want me to put that on my finger & shove it where ???

[Autodidact]

I got the K-Y. Sure, I've done this dozens of times.

--T
Good one!

[Matty]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/locker_boy1_pr.gifhttp://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/locker_boy2_pr.gifhttp://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/locker_boy3_pr.gifhttp://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/images/locker_boy4_pr.gif

Place in order of usefulness, the top five items that can be used to distract or defend against paedophile phys ed teachers. Beware, some are red herrings and will only make him hornier.

[Gagundathar Inexplicable]

Matty, are you having trouble with glue?
Have you tried K-Y jelly?

[Matty]

Only with Supersports mom. Didnt really need to as she wasnt that tight anyway.
In fact in all honesty i'd go so far as to say she had a snatch like a wizards sleeve. :)



http://www.bam.gov/sub_yourlife/images/image_daniel_news.gif
As you grow older, you may become aware of the downside of organised religion......

[Matty]

http://www.bam.gov/images/diseases_infectiondetection_splash.gif
This week on CSI Kansas, yet another case of a black guy found hanging mysteriously from a tree.

[Matty]

http://www.bam.gov/images/foodnutrition_feature_top.gif

as a teenage girl you will no doubt be perplexed by many dietary questions.
Is it good for me, will it make me fat, and most importantly, will it be gross when i throw it back up again in half an hour.

[Matty]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_foodnutrition/images/ct_image_salad.gif
SALAD: Remember its a side not a meal, girlies.

[Ray Moscow]

That site (http://www.bam.gov/sub_yourbody/yourbody_insidescoop_test_q1.html)is great but perhaps not that educational:

Q: Chromosomes are inside every cell in your body.

If you answer "false":

Sorry, that is incorrect.

The answer is true. Chromosomes are inside every cell in your body.

Inside each human cell there are 46 chromosomes (23 from mom, and 23 from dad). The chromosomes carry the cell's instructions—telling the cell what to do. The billions of cells in your body carry out their instructions and make you...you.

I didn't know that red blood cells had nuclei! You learn something new every day.

[Matty]

Good point. Muppets.


http://www.bam.gov/sub_diseases/images/westnile_mosquito.gif
Links to various sites of the legal profession this way

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/images/physical_feature_top.gif
(left to right)
"Wait till I get her in the locker room."
"Can't wait to shower with her."
"Hey girls, can I watch?"

[Matty]

http://www.bam.gov/images/physical_feature_top.gif
New maxi pads, play sports without the whole school knowing you're on the rag, now available in man sized pads, especially useful for those transgendered types who haven't quite made their mind up yet, eh "Billy" ?

[Tether]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_yoursafety/images/image_angry_sun.gif

This big ball of fire in the sky is your enemy. Be afraid! Never go outside where he can see you!

--T

[Tether]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_foodnutrition/images/ct_image_salad.gif

Slices of lime, green construction paper, purple ribbon and holly berries make for a yummy snack. Eat with pitchfork.

--T

[Autodidact]

http://www.bam.gov/images/yoursafety_bg5_hilight.gif

Always wear a helmet when levitating.

[Matty]

http://www.bam.gov/images/physical_feature_top.gif

Did you notice the odd one out? Its true that girls can play basketball, and that guys can play tennis, but its is completely false that any soccer player in N America other than expat Beckham, can play the ball above knee level.

[Autodidact]

Alright I've got a new one. I don't think it needs a whole new thread. This site (http://www.flickr.com/photos/library_of_congress/) is loaded with vintage photos that the government has asked for our help in tagging. I think we can help them out, don't you? I'll start:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/3029431035_07e12faa2f.jpg?v=0

Conditions at Abu Ghraib were worse than first realized.

[Autodidact]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3072/3029430003_dc2684b86f.jpg?v=0

The outgoing Bush administration gathers for a final group photo.

[Autodidact]

Here's a pip, which I leave to you'all to work with:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3243/3030263666_f568014638.jpg?v=0

[Matty]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3175/3030262852_13b64e79eb.jpg?v=0

and on your cruise to Guantanamo, you can be assured that the ships crew will give you their utmost personal attention.

[Memoria]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3175/3030262852_13b64e79eb.jpg?v=0
Gym equipment sure has changed a lot.

[Matty]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3240/3029426027_b758fb28fd.jpg?v=0

Few people realise that the origins of the Real Doll (tm) point to US government offices of the early 20th century.

[FreezBee]

Be careful, if you sleep in front of open windows. You might fall out.

http://memory.loc.gov/service/pnp/ggbain/12000/12071v.jpg

[Autodidact]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3219/2969698806_9bd183322d.jpg?v=0

"And your little dog, too!"

[Ray Moscow]

http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/7193/buffalohuntxt9.jpg

Native Americans Excited, Optimistic About Chance to Hunt Sarah Palin

[Matty]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3219/2969698806_9bd183322d.jpg?v=0
She might have looked uptight and very prim, but like most people, put Mrs Snooty up the top of the Blackpool tower and it will only be a matter of seconds before she gobs on a passer by below.

[Autodidact]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3046/2989427097_24a92e5663.jpg?v=0

As newly inaugurated President Obama surveyed the American landscape, he realized that he had his work cut out for him.

[Untheist]

http://www.bam.gov/sub_foodnutrition/images/ct_image_salad.gif
Only eat salad with a five-tined fork. If you cannot find a five-tined fork, eat something else.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3243/3030263666_f568014638.jpg?v=0

After two glorious days, the ship's nurses figured out where the real showers were.