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  • TalkRational: This is why we can't have nice things

Topic: Comic relief thread (Read 20487 times) previous topic - next topic

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  • meepmeep
  • Administrator
  • zombiecat queen
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1300
the little joys you find here and there are the only things that make this nightmarish hellscape bearable


Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1301

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1302
  • Last Edit: October 14, 2017, 12:20:40 PM by Autonemesis

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1303
https://thebaffler.com/latest/trumpspeak

Quote
IT'S BEEN OBSERVED THAT DONALD TRUMP has an . . . unusual speaking pattern. But can something so fragmented and disjointed as the president's circumlocutory echolalia be described as possessing anything so ordered as a "pattern?" Is Trumpspeak distinguishable from a purely stochastic process--i.e., a randomly distributed array of word-noise? More specifically, how might a text-generating algorithm supplied only with Trump's trademark diction generate something discernibly different from the man's own speeches? Indeed, might the forty-fifth president of the United States be nothing more than a stochastic device rumbling around in a bright orange carcass, outfitted in a poorly fitting power suit?

In the spirit of scientific inquiry, I decided to find out. Using as a corpus this compilation of POTUS 45's painfully transcribed speeches and interviews, I trained a Markov chain to generate the following paragraphs of Trumpese.

  • borealis
  • Administrator
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1304
Hellthugs.  :dogstare:

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1305
america is why CNN sucks!

  • Doobie Keebler
  • Ridiculous Callipygous
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1306
"If you read my last number of tweets, only one opinion can be formed - that our President, and therefore "leader," is grossly incompetent!"  The Dotard

  • Doobie Keebler
  • Ridiculous Callipygous
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1307

Man Rescued From Taliban Didn't Believe Donald Trump Was President

Quote
A Canadian man rescued from a Taliban-linked group in Afghanistan last week said he thought his captors were joking when they told him Donald Trump had been elected president of the United States.

Joshua Boyle and his wife, Caitlin Coleman, were kidnapped and held by the Haqqani network--whose leader is the deputy head of the Afghan Taliban--for five years and one day.

Boyle and Coleman were rarely given any information on the outside world during their time in captivity. They didn't even know Justin Trudeau was prime minister of Canada, for example, until after they were rescued. But when Boyle was forced to participate in a "proof-of-life" video, one of the captors told him Donald Trump had been elected president. At the time, Boyle essentially took this comment as a joke.

"It didn't enter my mind that he was being serious," Boyle told the the Toronto Star.

Boyle and Coleman were kidnapped while hiking in Afghanistan in late 2012. Coleman was pregnant at the time and the couple ended up having two more children while in captivity. All five were rescued by Pakistani forces working off intelligence gathered by the U.S. A number of the kidnappers were killed during the rescue operation, but some got away.

Boyle has a harsh view of his captors, calling the Haqqani "people who have no relationships in life that are not purely mercenary."

"They have no real friends, only cohorts. They have no wives, children," he added. "Those we met who were not orphans spoke of hating their parents."

He and his family were severely mistreated during their time in captivity and Boyle is calling for his all kidnappers to be brought to justice.

The group that captured Boyle and Coleman--the Haqqani network--was also responsible for the kidnapping of Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl after he walked off from his unit under mysterious circumstances. Bergdahl, who was held in captivity for five years, was released after being traded for five top Afghan Taliban commanders by the U.S. government. Bergdahl pleaded guilty to charges of desertion and misbehavior on Monday.

Truly it was a toss up in choosing to post this here or T'pocalypse. I decided this thread needed the boost.

Apologies to Canada for making light of the tragedy this family was subjected to.

On top of a kidnapping no less.
"If you read my last number of tweets, only one opinion can be formed - that our President, and therefore "leader," is grossly incompetent!"  The Dotard

  • meepmeep
  • Administrator
  • zombiecat queen
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1308


I stand for the national anthem but rub the flag into the ground with my dumb ass.

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1309

  • Doobie Keebler
  • Ridiculous Callipygous
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1310
Just the fact he has to mention Trump's "grasp of the issues" at all betrays what a clusterfuck the whole shitshow is.*

* where "grasp of the issues" means Trump managed to recall the pre-planned talking points and not go too far off script during this dog and pony show that was crafted with the sole purpose of pleasing Kochs & Co. enough to make sure they reopen the purse for the midterms. **

** well, when Trump wasn't going too far off script talking shit about The Turtle in front of his back. ***

*** seriously, Trump gave him shit about, among other items, taking Pharma money and whatnot. ****

**** that part was kinda funny.
"If you read my last number of tweets, only one opinion can be formed - that our President, and therefore "leader," is grossly incompetent!"  The Dotard

  • MikeS
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1311
Looks like a Dutch hack to me.


Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1313

  • Doobie Keebler
  • Ridiculous Callipygous
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1314
Looks like a Dutch hack to me.

That's what I thought at first too but someone posted a timeline when that same challenge was made on the twitter feed. It shows the old deleted tweet along with Newt's corrected re-tweet and yet another tweet immediately after that which referenced the mangled deleted tweet in conjunction with another intermediate tweet. (convoluted I know, see below)

 Someone else also posted a mobile screenshot showing the same parent-child chain as dinosaurs! posted above. So, turns out it's real.

Timeline
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Twitter Feed

[deleted tweet here]






"If you read my last number of tweets, only one opinion can be formed - that our President, and therefore "leader," is grossly incompetent!"  The Dotard

  • ravenscape
  • Administrator
  • Triggered
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1315

  • ravenscape
  • Administrator
  • Triggered
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1316
Probably fake, but encapsulates so much anyway

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1317
Probably fake, but encapsulates so much anyway
According to Snopes, it's legit.


  • meepmeep
  • Administrator
  • zombiecat queen
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1318
I bet this is the staffer that liked the porn tweet:


  • Bilirubin
  • Ain't nothing ta fuck wit'
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1319
lol

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1320
idgi
Love is like a magic penny
 if you hold it tight you won't have any
if you give it away you'll have so many
they'll be rolling all over the floor

  • Bilirubin
  • Ain't nothing ta fuck wit'
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1321
its a cypher from the zodiac killer dummy

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1322
wtf is the zodiac killer?
Love is like a magic penny
 if you hold it tight you won't have any
if you give it away you'll have so many
they'll be rolling all over the floor

  • meepmeep
  • Administrator
  • zombiecat queen
Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1323
my god do you ever fucking google anything man

Re: Comic relief thread
Reply #1324
just googled it. That is the sort of thing I definitely don't commit to memory.
Love is like a magic penny
 if you hold it tight you won't have any
if you give it away you'll have so many
they'll be rolling all over the floor