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Topic: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery. (Read 1459 times) previous topic - next topic

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  • osmanthus
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Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
We've been on a roll with these lately. Our political class has decided that they don't believe in American exceptionalism, and by fuck they're going to be every bit as stupid as the US Repugs. You Yanks are going to have to up your game and work harder to maintain your global preeminence in the field of fuckwittery.

Exhibit 1: Malcolm Roberts. He got elected to the Senate, thus demonstrating Churchill's quip that democracy is the worst form of government.

This fuckwit is, among other forms of lunacy, a climate science denier and blessed with the sort of scintillating intellect that usually accompanies such views. From his maiden speech to the Senate:

Quote from: Malcolm "Shoelaces are too difficult" Roberts
"It is basic. The sun warms the earth's surface. The surface, by contact, warms the moving, circulating atmosphere. That means the atmosphere cools the surface. How then can the atmosphere warm it? It cannot. That is why their computer models are wrong."
That's it. That's the entire basis of his disagreement with climate science. He actually thinks this is a good argument, and worth using on the national stage.

Exhibit 2: Scott Morrison. He got elected too, although to the House of Reps rather than the Senate. If there is an afterlife, Churchill must be pissing himself laughing. Morrison is currently our Treasurer, which is worrying since he apparently knows nothing about the basics of economics. Economics 101 would tell you it was a bad idea to invest in a losing proposition. Scott has yet to learn this.

Quote from: Scott "Pentecostalism is entirely reasonable" Morrison
"It's not uncommon for super funds to take a position which isn't just about returns," he told 2GB's Ray Hadley. "Some industry funds, for example, won't allow their funds to be invested in coal shares. Now that's got nothing to do with returns necessarily, that's got to do with politics, and their view about those particular issues."
He seems to have missed that thermal coal is in structural decline and coal investments have been losing money faster than just about anything else. He and some of the other idiots in the government are still hoping the Adani mine in Queensland will somehow go ahead without the federal government paying for it all, and they haven't managed to get their tiny brains around the reasons why nobody else in the world of finance wants to touch it with a barge pole.

Fucking awesome Treasurer this bloke will make. What could go wrong?

Exhibit 3: The plebiscite on same-sex marriage. It's now been decided by the Cabinet that $15 million of public money will be allocated to making the cases for "Yes" and "No". Why? Everybody already knows that the "No" consists of:

1/ Gay people are yucky.
2/ God won't like it.
3/ Gay zombies are coming to eat your childrens' brains.

Why the fuck does it take $7.5 million to say that? I just said it for free. Case closed. Fuck off. Sheesh.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #1
https://www.thesaturdaypaper.com.au/opinion/topic/2016/09/17/malcolm-turnbulls-biographer-turns-the-pm/14740344003733
Quote
Malcolm Turnbull might yet come good. Perhaps he can pull off a reverse John Howard, and steer a divisive gay marriage plebiscite through to a yes vote. Or give Gillian Triggs a hearing, and come up with a human rights-based solution that gets us out of the hideously expensive moral quagmire that is Manus and Nauru. Perhaps he can grasp the opportunity of bipartisanship on climate change, and turn the rubbish Direct Action policy into something fit for purpose.

But having scraped over the line at the July election, with barely a mandate, a divided party room, a slim majority and a hostile senate, it is hard to see how Turnbull can or will do anything big. Strange to say, but becoming prime minister may turn out to be the low point in his remarkable life.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #2
Yay! We haz moar! :cheer:

Exhibit 4: It's just emerged that the Australian federal education department paid Bjørn Lomborg's Copenhagen Consensus Centre $640,000 to help produce a report that claimed limiting world temperature increases to 2C was a "poor" use of money. And they somehow thought that giving money to Lomborg was a good use of it? ::)

Which brings me to...

Exhibit 5: The "aspirational" Paris goal of 1.5 degrees. They've just had a conference about this. The upshot is that a lot more research is needed, in a very short timeframe.

Quote
"[T]he more I start to think about it, I think it will change what we do a lot...Now, all of a sudden, we're forced to become much more quantitative...I think that's going to force a paradigm shift in how we think about our research."
Quote
"We want to help the academic community to respond to this request from the UNFCCC...And we're going to keep reminding people that just pontificating about 1.5C is not enough. They've got to get their thought down in published papers in short order."
So Australia has a world class bunch of climate scientists who could help out with this, and provide useful input for the southern hemisphere. Or did, before some retards gutted the CSIRO recently, shortly after desperately trying to pretend that they were part of the "high ambition coalition" at Paris.

Great timing there. Fucking brilliant.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #3
So is Australia officialy at knuckle dragger status?

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #4
Pretty much.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #5
Hah! You call those jokers fuckwits that might challenge the preeminence of the US?

One word and the word is Trump. All by hisself he out-fuckwits all of youse put together.
Are we there yet?

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #6
Short version is we have an approximation of the situation you had when the Tea Party hijacked your Repugs. IOW, the hard right dinosaur loonies in the Ellen Pee have Turnbull by the balls, or more accurately have what's left of his balls in a jar of formalin on a shelf. They're running the show now, to all  intents and purposes. Even some of the ostensibly saner conservatives are basically idealogue robots, with Scott Morrison being a good example. He really is a Pentecostal, as well as being clueless about investing for returns. About as bonkers as Dave, roughly.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #7
Hah! You call those jokers fuckwits that might challenge the preeminence of the US?

One word and the word is Trump. All by hisself he out-fuckwits all of youse put together.
Oh I dunno. Abbott could give Trump a run for his money. And then there's the others.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #8
The Climate Institute has done their annual survey on Australian attitudes to climate change.

http://climateinstitute.org.au/climate-of-the-nation-2016.html

Quote
Climate of the Nation 2016 finds that the majority of people who believe climate change is occurring continues to grow.

In 2016, 77 per cent hold this view, up from 70 per cent last year, 66 per cent in 2013 and 64 per cent in 2012. Of these people, 90
per cent believe human activity is at least partly the cause, with a large 39 per cent now saying human activity is the main cause. Only 9 per cent blame natural cycles.
So 0.77 x 0.39 = 30% of people actually have half a clue what's going on. The remaining 70% still have their heads up their bottoms regarding the cause of climate change.

Despite this, most of the buggers still want to do something about it, and think the current government (that would be the one they just voted for, d'oh) is doing a shit job.

Quote
Though 50 per cent of people are aware that the 2015 UN Conference on Climate Change in Paris took place, knowledge of the outcomes and objectives of the international agreement appear limited.[1]

However, when the Paris agreement is explained, there is also strong agreement (67 per cent agree) that Australia should enact a serious policy plan to deliver the commitment made in Paris to achieving net zero emissions.

Further, 57 per cent do not agree with the idea that Australia should wait for other countries before we strengthen our post-2020 emissions reduction targets, and 59 per cent do not agree that we should wait for other major emitting countries such as China and the US before we move.

Seventy-three per cent hold the clear view that economic benefits, such as new jobs and investment in clean energy, will flow from
leadership on climate action and energy policy.

In fact, 65 per cent feel Australia should be a world leader in finding solutions to climate change. And 71 per cent think Australia should implement policies to protect vulnerable people and natural systems from unavoidable climate change, with only 6 per cent in disagreement.

Fifty-five per cent hold the view that Australia needs to help developing countries decrease their carbon emissions and adapt for the impacts of climate change.
All of which is great and makes perfect sense, but is in total contradiction to the current government's position. Which a lot of them just voted for. :p
Insert head more firmly up bottom, just for extra security
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #9
Fifty-five per cent hold the view that Australia needs to help developing countries decrease their carbon emissions and adapt for the impacts of climate change.
Quote
All of which is great and makes perfect sense, but is in total contradiction to the current government's position. Which a lot of them just voted for. :p
This is quite similar to the US electorate. When asked if they support various gun related laws (background checks, limiting guns sold at gun shows, etc.) most people are all for it, but if it's couched as simply 'gun laws', they are against it.... Fucking idiots.

Then they say they want fiscal responsibility, better economic security, etc., and they keep voting for the party who says they want that too, but historically, factually are the opposite of that. Even bigger fucking idiots.

The reason politicians lie so much is because it works. The voters are by and large fucking morons.

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #10
"Remember the average IQ is around 100, and stop overestimating your fellow man."

Can't remember where that came from, but it's a good one.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #11
Here's another good one. So we just had the election a few weeks back. The gummint has a one seat majority. Now, according to the latest poll, the electorate is more grumpy with the gummint than they were when they actually voted a few weeks back. If they had voted the way they are saying they would vote now, they would have had a different government.

Of course, the opposition's climate science (and other) policies are a lot better.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #12
So, time for another election then?
This could go on for a while.

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #13
Arizona has you beat all by ourselves. :) We've elected several governors only to recall them, Mecham, the first to be recalled, was installed in office of January 1987, and the recall effort started in July.

We've come close to recalling several since then, but I think (and according to the pffft of all knowledge, my memory doesn't completely suck) we've only had the one actual successfully recalled (and impeached).

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #14
I think Illinois has Arizona beat in the "shenanigans in office" department.

It's even got its own Wiki page .... Political corruption in Illinois

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #15
:rofl: This is awesome.

Betting the Farm: Farmers confront climate change

Quote
Real-world observations of temperature spikes, pasture growth and grape harvests across southern Australia reveal that the landscape is heating up at rates experts did not expect to see until 2030.

In some instances the rates of warming are tracking at 2050 scenarios.

Scientists concerned that climate change is biting harder and faster than models anticipated are campaigning for more research investment to protect Australia's $58 billion agriculture industry from extreme weather.

Background Briefing has learned that their concerns about the capability of Australian research to address climate change will be validated in an independent review by the prestigious Australian Academy of Science.

The review, due for release in the next few weeks, has identified a substantial shortfall in the nation's climate research firepower.

It's understood that the review will recommend that the number of scientists working for CSIRO and its partners on climate science needs to increase by about 90. That is almost double the current number of full time positions.
So yes you fucking retards, gutting the CSIRO's climate science capabilities a few months back really was stupid. FFS. ::)
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #16
I think Illinois has Arizona beat in the "shenanigans in office" department.

It's even got its own Wiki page .... Political corruption in Illinois
Good grief, that is quite a lineup!  Any other states compare?

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #17
New York maybe.

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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #18
First Dog on the Moon is awesome today. :rofl:

Brandisgate: this is an important issue so we will make it easy to understand ... and also delicious!

The background is that our attorney general, who has form as a power-grabbing tosser, has apparently misled parliament regarding a stoush with our solicitor general. First Dog's explanation is brilliant. :grin:
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #19
I think Illinois has Arizona beat in the "shenanigans in office" department.

It's even got its own Wiki page .... Political corruption in Illinois
Good grief, that is quite a lineup!  Any other states compare?
gotta be alabama.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #20
So Teh Gummint has just appointed a complete idiot to a parliamentary committee:

Pauline Hanson gets prized Nationals spot on NBN committee

Short version is they're sucking up to Hanson so much that they voluntarily gave up a spot on the committee for one of their own senators in favour of Hanson, just because she wanted to be on it. This is despite her not having the first clue about the technicalities of modern broadband systems, which is what the committee is supposed to be about.

Anyway, the good bit is that as a result of this our PM now has a wonderful new nickname: Malcolm "Origami" Turnbull.

Why origami? Because whenever he's confronted by the RWNJ's, he turns folding into an art form.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #21
This one takes the biscuit.

The election was three months back. The gummint had a bit of a clever idea, and this time around decide to appoint three different ministers to look after defence. Each minister has their own separate areas of responsibility within the overall defence portfolio, but after three months nobody knows what those are.

So the defence fuckers are still wondering who they are supposed to send stuff too, because the gummint can't make up its mind which minister does what.

This is, of course, a right wing government that boasts about being strong on national security. ::)

Confusion reigns as Australia's defence ministers yet to confirm ministerial powers

Quote
A senior Defence Department official has told the ABC the ongoing mystery over which minister is responsible for certain duties is causing confusion and unnecessary duplication of bureaucratic work.

"It's a crazy situation -- we prepare ministerial briefs but we're not sure which minister to send them to," the senior official told the ABC on the condition of anonymity.

"In some cases crucial decisions are unnecessarily delayed because there's confusion over which minister needs to sign off on simple requests."

Similarly, defence companies who are regularly in contact with the Australian Defence Force and Government have privately expressed frustration.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #22
Ok, this one takes the biscuit. :grin:

So our Incumbent Bunch of Wankers wanted to end the year on a high. This meant getting one of their pet bits of legislation through. Said legislation was always arguably as useless as tits on a bull, but they'd made a big noise about it so it had to go through.

This required the IBofW to agree to various amendments, which had the wonderful effect of basically rendering the legislation even more useless than it originally was. The crowning glory of this bit of fuckwittery was the following:

Quote
The amendments are a significant increase on current labour market testing for such projects. As the Guardian's Paul Karp has reported, the amendment means that the required advertising must be done "in such a way that a significant proportion of suitably qualified and experienced Australian citizens and Australian permanent residents would be likely to be informed about the position" and applies to all jobs regardless of how small they are.

But that isn't the biggest issue.

The way the amendment is actually worded makes it essentially impossible to hire anyone and also adhere to the code.

The amendment states that "the Building Code must include provisions ensuring that no person is employed to undertake building work unless" there is that targeted advertising, and "the employer demonstrates that no Australian citizen or Australian permanent resident is suitable for the job".

So no person can be employed unless the employer demonstrates that no Australian is suitable for the job.

That literally means that if employers can demonstrate that an Australian citizen is suitable for the job, they can't employ them because they have failed to demonstrate that no Australian citizen is suitable for the job!

It's a lovely catch-22 (or catch-23, subclause 2A (d))

Clearly it is meant to be no foreign person can be employed unless the employer demonstrates that no Australian citizen is suitable (note - suitable, not "available") for the job.

But that is not what has ended up in the act.

Haste makes waste.

This government wanted to end the year with a win and was willing to do anything to achieve it - including not bothering to closely check the legislation that it was attempting to enact.
:clap:  :cheer:  :happydance:  :parrot:
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #23
Ahahaaaa dickheads.
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Re: Great moments in Australian political fuckwittery.
Reply #24
Os, I can't help thinking your crowning glory of Australian political fuckwittery may be a teeny bit niche for this audience
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